I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
two words: eviction party
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
