i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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