Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
