I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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