Screwed.edu
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
