i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
we're so committed to being not committed
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
