Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
