do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
