why didn't you poke me back
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
