Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
