Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm lost and stupid without you.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
