Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
