so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
