i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
