apparently the secret to your success is patron
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
