I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
