They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
