How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
