It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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