My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
