people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
