So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
