Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
