I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
