It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
