he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
