i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
