I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
