we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
