I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
