Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
