**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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