OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
