that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
