How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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