i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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