I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He felt like a one man threesome
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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