last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
