At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
