I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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