i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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