Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
