After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
