I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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