About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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