so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
