it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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