Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
