The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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