she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I wish you could order shots online.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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