I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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