Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
