I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
