apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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