There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
