It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
