Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
